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a tv show—for a variety of reasons, one of which was so that I wouldn’t have to travel as much, so that I could stay at home with my daughter. Some of the biggest people in the sitcom business would pitch me these ideas, and it was really upsetting. Because none of it was funny. Comedy is so binary—either it’s funny or it isn’t. Finding good writers is tough. I watched Frasier and Everybody Loves Raymond, figuring out what works .”

He pauses, then flashes his patented Alec Baldwin smirk. “You know where you watch sitcoms now? On the airplane. So I would watch Everybody Loves Raymond on the airplane because it’s a very funny show. And I realize everybody’s chasing the same four sets of writers. And I thought, what if I didn’t have one of the good sets of writers? I’m dead. But I’d love to do a sitcom. I did an episode of Friends and I thought, God, they’re each getting a million dollars a week to do this! That seems perfect. But when tv doesn’t work, it’s very costly. You can think of some film actors that have had some disasters in tv. So I’d rather just keep doing what I’m doing.”

The gossip columns love to rummage through his family’s dirty laundry, but they’re less likely to share his genuine devotion to charitable causes, such as the “Wounded Warrior” project. He tells us that, “The Wounded Warrior project provides these gift bags—I don’t want to confuse them with Oscar gift bags—they give these welcome home packages to returning veterans who are injured. When injured veterans come home, many of them have nothing, coming over in surgical gowns.”

He looks me in the eye. “It’s not that any one death or injury is greater than another—it’s all tragic what’s going on over there—but some of them seem to be more attention-grabbing than others. Whether that’s right or wrong. There was one woman who was a star basketball player for Notre Dame; she lost her arm in Iraq. She’s one of those people that the Wounded Warriors will visit and present with the gift bag.”

To promote this cause, he did a guest spot on The O’Reilly Factor. Recounting his time on the show fires him up and he speaks with intensity: “O’Reilly’s an interesting guy. Because he’s not without talent. I think he must be frustrated that there’s a certain broadcast level that he’s never going to get to, because he’s affiliated with such a radically fundamentalist group of people. Fox News is a fundamentalist operation. And I think that O’Reilly—who is a very gifted guy—he probably could have grown into becoming a very formidable broadcaster. And he must feel terrible to know that he’s never going to win a Peabody, he’s never ...

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