The fall season has always been the paradox of the calendar year: the time when Oscar-baiting dramas co-mingle with action extravaganzas, with some broad comedies thrown in for good measure.

This year's no different: you can go see movies like Towelhead or Appaloosa, or you can go see movies like Eagle Eye or Quantum of Solace. (You can even see My Best Friend's Girl, although I'm not sure why you'd want to.)

But while a few high-profile fall releases have jumped ship to 2009 -- I'm looking at you, Star Trek and Harry Potter -- there's still plenty of really good, really bad, and really weird choices. Just follow this guide so you can decide for yourself which is which.

Bangkok Dangerous
Sept. 5th; starring Nicolas Cage

I don't know much about this movie, because all the marketing says is that Nicolas Cage plays a hitman. The synopses online don't reveal much more. And...they're dumping it into early September.

Why it'll be awesome: hopefully Nicolas Cage will get to spout a few Cage-isms like "...more like treasure protectors."

Why it'll suck: because there's basically a huge sign hanging from this movie that reads "This movie sucks."

Burn After Reading
Sept. 12; starring Clooney, Pitt, McDormand, Malkovich, etc.

After the Oscar-winning No Country for Old Men, Joel and Ethan Coen go back to what appears to be a Big Lebowski-style mystery/comedy. Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand play dim-witted gym employees who find the memoirs of a CIA agent (John Malkovich) and try to blackmail him for it.

Why it'll be awesome: because I just compared it to The Big Lebowski, dude. Also, this poster rules.

Why it'll suck: I got nothing. But how does Clooney fit into the story?

Righteous Kill
Sept. 12th; starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino

De Niro and Pacino play cop partners -- finally on screen together for more than one scene -- hunting down a serial killer who only kills bad guys. Hopefully the soundtrack includes some Rolling Stones, because it works really well in the TV ads.

Why it'll be awesome: it's from the writer of Inside Man.

Why it'll suck: it's from the director of 88 Minutes.

Tyler Perry's The Family that Preys
Sept. 12th, starring Alfre Woodard, Kathy Bates

Another flick out of the Tyler Perry machine, this one presumably involves a big family, awkwardly inserted broad comedy, awkwardly inserted uncomfortably dramatic moments, and plenty of Christian values.

Why it'll be awesome: because you're an African-American woman and you love Tyler Perry.

Why it'll suck: because you're anybody else.

Appaloosa
Sept. 17th; starring Viggo Mortensen, Ed Harris, Renee Zellweger

Ed Harris directed and recruited his History of Violence co-star Mortensen to star in this Western about two friends hired as sheriffs for a town that's being overrun by a rancher ...