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300

Review By: Michael Dance
MichaelDance@TheCinemaSource.com

300 debuted in theaters last March, and 210 million dollars later, it now appears on DVD. Watching the pop culture phenomenon on the small screen without constantly recalling the endless media coverage, fan obsession, and Youtube parodies of the movie is about as easy as watching Gigli without remembering Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez used to date. Especially for somebody who's never actually seen the movie before.

That's right, I'm a newcomer to 300. I wasn't actively trying not to see it, I just didn't care either way. My apathy at the time, unfortunately, basically matches my apathy after seeing the movie: it was decent. I guess.

The main draw of this movie is the fighting, right? The marketing for the flick promised really cool-looking battles, and that's what moviegoers got. I appreciated them too, but it's exactly the sort of thing that plays much better on the big screen. I can't afford a very big TV yet so I wasn't given that luxury; I could, however, appreciate the battles for their clarity. Despite all the spraying blood, severed limbs, and incomprehensible shouting that make every fourteen-year-old boy's adrenaline get pumping, I could always tell exactly what was going on. Too many action movies these days cop out with a handful of closeups of hands, arms, and feet, with no wide shots because they're trying to hide their lack of choreography. All that does is leave the viewer confused, and worse, bored. If you're going to do it, do it right, and 300 did it right.

Other aspects of the movie don't work as well, although I have a nagging feeling that 300 diehards will end up fast-forwarding to the battle scenes anyway. In many ways it's like a Broadway musical: everything in between the songs is just filler with that darn necessity called a "plot." The movie doesn't start out too promisingly, with a pointless kill-the-messenger scene (it's in all the trailers: King Leonidas kicks the Persian dude into a big hole while shouting "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and getting visibly aroused by his own glistening muscles) that leads you to believe Spartans are headstrong bullies who like to kill people. (Hmm...)

Of course, we're assured numerous times that the Persian empire is very, very evil. For one thing, it's led by Xerxes, who is portrayed as tall and skinny and whose muscles don't glisten nearly as much. (He's played by Rodrigo Santoro, who had a decidedly less glamorous role as the much-hated Paulo in Lost.) For another, his personal chambers are filled with lots of writhing, tattood, pierced, naked women. Boy do they like to writhe. Apparently overt sexuality is looked down upon unless it involves a Spartan: early on we get a full-on sex scene with King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his wife ...