Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

Review By: Brian Otano
BrianOtano@TheCinemaSource.com

A note to the Brothers Strause (directors), Shane Salerno (screenwriter), John Davis, Paul Deason, David Giler, Wyck Godfrey and Walter Hill (producers):

Kill yourselves.

Whether you’re a fan of the Alien series or not, it cannot be denied that Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986) momentarily elevated the science fiction film to an art form. Twenty-eight years later, we find the franchise fused with Predator, another sci-fi franchise of old and dragged straight to hell with this predictable, sophomoric, despicable sequel to Alien vs. Predator.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem picks up where the AvP left off, with an alien bursting through the chest of a fallen Predator. The spaceship carrying said-creatures crashes to Earth and lands in a remote Midwestern town, where the aliens and the Predator go to battle. Over what, you ask? Who cares? The town is populated by the would-be heroes and wimps one would expect from an alien (or zombie or slasher) movie: a recently discharged military mom, a frustratingly naïve, doe-eyed sheriff, an ex-convict just released from prison, his lovelorn younger brother, the cute blond girl he pines for and her jerk of a boyfriend. The actors will remain nameless here, and probably, everywhere else worth mentioning.

“’Fuck this women and children first’ shit. This isn’t the Titanic.”

This line, uttered by a cowardly pizzeria manager sometime during the third reel, reveals the sentiment at the crusty turd that is this film’s heart. The premise, which does have the potential to be entertaining at the very least, is wasted on this creative team, who have turned it into a poorly executed parade of weak, poorly lit visual effects and the systematic slaughtering of innocent bystanders, some of whom consist of a prepubescent boy and a roomful of pregnant women in a maternity ward-- a repulsive new low, for sure. The script, confusing and flat as ever, got one laugh with the following line:

“The government doesn’t lie to people.”

Those who saw Transformers might remember this line, as delivered by the inimitable stage actress Julie White. Shane Salerno, where do you get off cribbing lines from another mediocre popcorn flick that came out less than six months ago?! Audience: save your money.

Movie Grade: F. Seriously.

Synopsis:

The iconic monsters from two of the scariest film franchises ever, wage war in an American Midwestern town – with the residents caught in the middle. What, you expected it to be more complicated than that?