The Covenant

Review By: Benjamin Lee
BenjaminLee@TheCinemaSource.com

Okay so when The Covenant was pitched, I imagine it went a little something like this.

‘Okay, so you guys remember The Craft yeah?? (a few murmurs of agreement)
‘Oh come on, you know the only film Neve Campbell ever made that didn’t have the word Scream in the title’
‘Well imagine that but instead of hot girls being witches, we have hot guys!’ (more murmurs of agreement)
‘And we’ll try and make them as naked as possible throughout even if it doesn’t make any sense – just so long as teenage girls fancy them!’
‘We’ll get the guy who wrote Sniper 3 and Alien Hunter to write it!’
‘And we can get Renny Harlin to direct it since he has no experience with the horror genre and he is famed for his complete lack of subtlety!’ (a voice of dissent – ‘But what about the critics?’)
‘We won’t show it to them!’ (rapturous applause)

And the rest is history. Cue a film which is released on a slow weekend in a slow season and nabs the #1 spot with the lowest #1 total for 3 years. Of course when critics were finally allowed to see it (at the same time as everyone else), they loathed it.

When it comes to a plot, well The Covenant seems to think making up a hoary mythology just for the movie will make it all seem much more intelligent and worthy. So the plot centers around four sons of Ipswich (no doesn’t really have the same ring as Witches of Eastwick does it?) who are descendants of families who were involved in Salem witchcraft circa 1692.

They developed a ‘covenant’ of silence in order to protect their magical powers. But the four sons, all good-looking and devoid of any personality, are addicted to the powers they possess. They all attend a gothic prep school where lights are rarely used and a mysterious newcomer has arrived who could threaten their very existence.

On looks alone, The Covenant is a hard film to dislike. The leads are all attractive, wear little clothing and drive flashy cars. Renny Harlin may not be the greatest director on the planet, but he’s someone who could even make The Blair Witch Project seem as slick as a Bruckheimer movie. It’s just a shame then that for a movie to be truly entertaining, a script and a sense of logic and coherence are also required.

Beneath the superficiality of the leads and the polished visuals, there’s really just nothing there. The interplay between the characters is all sub-OC dialogue. The kind of scenes where the characters talk to one another with just their underwear on for no particular reason. Their mysterious powers are all hidden despite the fact they keep on using them throughout. Excluding one original car crash, there’s never much they can do that is of any interest anyway.

The finale especially is a big letdown. Two characters have a showdown that looks as if it were borne out of a video ...