Valentine’s Day

Review By: Andrea Tuccillo
AndreaTuccillo@TheCinemaSource.com

Movie Grade: C+

Valentine’s Day - a holiday that evokes gag reflexes and eye rolls from single people everywhere. And what a coincidence, the movie will do the same thing, except not just to single people. With an ensemble cast of stars big enough to fill the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the Garry Marshall-directed flick is this year’s He’s Just Not That Into You. (Remember? That 2009 February release with the other huge ensemble cast? Both, oddly enough, containing Bradley Cooper.) Awash in a sea of pink, Valentine’s Day features 10 million separate love stories (give or take) that are all semi-connected in ways that are sometimes a stretch.

But where He’s Just Not That Into You was more about why relationships fail, Valentine’s Day is more about how they work out. For me though – and for most people, I imagine - it was mainly about a whole lot of eye candy, and not much else. You can find better dialogue in a box of conversation hearts.

Get this: The movie’s got – count ‘em – two Grey’s Anatomy actors, two That 70’s Show alum, two former Alias costars and two hot young rising stars both coincidentally named Taylor. Kind of mind blowing, huh? But with a cast of 500,000 I guess those overlaps are bound to happen.

The characters’ stories all converge on the most romantic day of the year. Let me attempt to break this down. If you have to pick just one, Ashton Kutcher is essentially the main character of this love fest, simply because he’s entangled in the most stories. He plays a florist engaged to a career-minded girl who’s clearly not right for him (Jessica Alba, sporting a horrible blonde dye-job). Surprisingly, Kutcher was quite likable in this movie. Maybe wearing all that pink made him more endearing somehow. Jennifer Garner plays his BFF, a kind-natured elementary school teacher dating a swarthy doctor played by – surprise – Patrick Dempsey. He’s a heart surgeon this time folks, which makes him totally different from the doc he plays on Grey’s. Dempsey’s not the only one stuck in a rut here. Garner plays way below her strengths in a standard cutesy role.

Anne Hathaway and Topher Grace (Hey there, Topher, where ya been?) play a couple in the tentative, early stages of their relationship who face one unusual obstacle. Hathaway plays a receptionist who’s a secret phone sex operator on the side. She’s constantly running off in the middle of dates to talk naughty to her “customers.” Hathaway gets to display her comedic chops and be slightly outrageous, and her character is both funny and relatable.

Let’s round out the rest of the cast, shall we? Because I’m getting tired. Bradley Cooper plays a jet-setting businessman who strikes up a friendship with his airplane seatmate, a female soldier on leave played by Julia Roberts. Shirley Maclaine and Hector Elizondo play a longtime married couple looking after their young grandson. Jessica ...