Anacondas

I know, I know"¦they were making a sequel to J Lo's Anaconda and all you could think was, "Finally!" There is a special place in all our hearts for Anaconda (singular), but one big snake deserves another. There is still room in our lives for a cautionary tale for when man meets beast. If all of the people in the journey just happen to be twenty-something and attractive, then so be it. However, this time around , we'll see how our good friend the anaconda can teach us something about our inner nature of greed and lust for power. So, I'm going to be the first one to step out and say"¦thank you anacondas, your wisdom is as fulfilling as your girth.

Hot out of grad school and hungry for success, a young group of researchers have stumbled upon a way to slow the rate of aging. Before the suits at the drug company buy the idea, the team of Jack Byron (Matthew Marsden), Sam Rogers (KaDee Strickland), and Cole Burris (Eugene Byrd) must prove their theory is true. Besides a little spit and polish, the key ingredient of their youth elixir is a rare plant known as the blood orchid. Gordon Mitchell (Morris Chestnut), a budding company leader decides to head the project and make out like a bandit on the ground floor. When the fellowship arrives in Borneo, home of the orchid, they barter passage on Skipper Bill Johnson's (Johnny Messner) raggedy ship. As they head up the river, they find themselves in the heat of the anaconda mating season. Violent, stealthy, and horny all spell bad news for our heroes. When one of the shipmates lets greed get in the way of survival, they all must pay the price.

Filmed partially on location in Fiji, the exotic and eerie backdrop of the jungle offers more than just snakes to snap at you. The second most deadly beast is a paralyzing spider that comes in handy when you want to disable the bad guys for snake food. The locales are great to look at, and so is the cast for that matter.

It is what it is ladies and gentleman. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid takes the original to more basic level of 'horror' and 'suspense'. All involved intended to make a popcorn chomping summer fun-fest. There was plenty of corny dialogue, some of which we are supposed to laugh at and some that is not so clear. This feature's king of corn is Johnny Messner. This ultra toned and unemotional riverboat captain is probably the funniest thing to come out of Hollywood this year. One of the only bright spots of the ordeal is KaDee Strickland, the strong and moral female

lead. She's already slated to be in several other films in the future, and rightly so. But, I'm not going to lie"¦there is a monkey that steals a good fifty percent of the scenes. Their little simian sidekick has the range of an ape-like Anthony Hopkins.

There really isn't that much to elaborate on here folks. There are a bunch of snakes, a group of greedy people, and two hot leads in a love situation"¦fill in the blanks. If you like a big snake in your like every once in a while, then maybe give his one a shot. Bring a date along with you and who knows"¦you might even catch the mating fever!

Movie Grade: C-

Synopsis:

ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID is a horror-thriller set in a primitive Bomeo jungle. A group of scientists set off on a dangerous journey down a jungle river in search of an extremely rare blood orchid that is rumored to be the source of a youth-preserving serum. What they don’t realize is that within the mysteries of the jungle lies a deadly predator who keeps the secret of the orchids safe and stops anyone who dares to enter its territory from leaving. . .