It’s interesting to see how Anthony Burns, making his directorial debut with Skateland, climbed the career ladder. In 2009, he was a key production assistant for a little known film called Pandemic. By 2010, Mr. Burns found himself helming a film that played at Sundance, and that is finally seeing it’s wide theatrical release this month. Talk about a promotion! A P.A. to a Sundance director in a year? Who in Hollywood can I shtup to get such a bump in paygrade? That’s like mopping the bathroom floors of Comcast one day, then dancing like a boss on a big, creamy, oak desk on the top floor the next. Some guy’s have all the luck.

Skateland is a coming of age drama, a term that doesn’t nearly sound as sweet coming off the tongue since the demise of John Hughes and rightfully so, he was the master. This film follows the formula in a different guise and with a lot less charm. We get to follow high school grad Ritchie (played by Shiloh Fernandez, who looks so much like an 18 year old Joaquin Phoenix it’s scary), as the 80’s era MTV generation begins to take a hold. The pumping disco lights of his roller skating haunt are about to shut for the last time, his parents are not getting along, he doesn’t know what college to go to, and life seems like its on the verge of changing its season all around him. Of course things get worse before they become better, and all the bad things you think are going to happen eventually do. That’s all I’ll tell you about the story because, frankly, you will already know how it will end after seeing the first fifteen minutes.

I don’t mean to come off as unappreciative of the effort of Burns; he has made a good-looking film here. He and his cinematographer do a nice job of making all the scenic elements glow with a smoky orange tinge, evoking a feeling from the 80’s era when all the dazzling rays of fabric from the 70’s finally began to show nicotine rust. There is fine control of the frame during long, tracking shots, and the colors generally pop in each scene with good use of foreground and background. Also, Shiloh Fernandez carries the film well, showing some sort of enigmatic appeal that feels very much like a young Joaquin.

Blandness is the flavor served here. Other than the look of the film, nothing much else appeals; the final confrontation is extremely predictable due to a weak foreshadowing, the dialogue tries to force 80’s cool too much, and as the film progresses, so much angst and negativity is thrown at you that you will surely have that horrible dream where you forgot your book bag on open notes test day.

Skateland is dripping with all the things you hated as a kid like getting bullied, watching your parents squabble at the dinner table, and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your 60+ years of existence. There are some fun moments with friends in Skateland, the problem is even those moments are punctuated by some sort of impending doom backed by an eerie audio accompaniment that all but says, “Hey, something bad is eventually going to happen to this guy,” basically, this is John Hughes with all the joy strained out and mopped up.

Change is what all coming of age tales is about and this one is no different. Skateland tries in the end to show us that we can all change gracefully from one period of our lives to the next, no matter how difficult the passage. The problem with Skateland, is that there are many other films that do this a lot better; films without all the squirming, fidgeting, and frowning.

Synopsis:

“Skateland,” set against the landscape of upstart malls, jordache jeans and iconic hang outs, is as much a story about embracing who you are as it is about moving on. The personal drama marks the poignant transition of a group of high school friends into adulthood. Set in the early 1980s, in small town Texas, it is genuine, touching and candid snapshot of the lives of a close-knit group of friends who are confronted with the realities of the precarious world around them. The film revolves around a charismatic young skating rink manager named Ritchie Wheeler (Shiloh Fernandez), brother and sister Brent and Michelle Burkham (Heath Freeman, Ashley Greene) and the legendary, wise-cracking, Kenny Crawford (Taylor Handley) as their dreams and carefree lives start to fade into an uncertain future.